47, the hardest year of your life

I am 44.
I have three years left until I hit rock bottom.
I don't say this. The data from 132 countries does.

Economist David Blanchflower analyzed well-being surveys from half the world. His study found the same thing in almost every place.

Life satisfaction has a U-shape.
It drops during your 30s.
It keeps dropping in your 40s.
It bottoms out around age 47.
And then it rises. In your 50s, 60s, and 70s.

It happens in rich countries and poor countries. With a partner and without one. With a job and without one.

Why it hurts so much

At 47, you are carrying more than ever.
Work, at its most demanding point.
Children who need everything.
Parents who are starting to need help.
A body that changes without asking for permission.

And when the feeling of stagnation arrives, you misread it.
You think it's your partner.
Or your job.
Or you.

It is not your life. It is your age.
It is a dip. Not a downward slope.

The danger is not the dip

The danger is what you leave by the wayside.

Friends. Nobody gets angry. Calls become less frequent. And one day the group has shrunk.
Training. The first thing that falls when the week gets busy.
The hobby that was just yours. It goes away without a sound.

You leave it behind because there is no time. And you pay for it later.

The Harvard study on adult development has been tracking the same people for over 80 years. What best predicted their health at 80 was not their cholesterol at 50. It was how satisfied they were with their relationships.

Friends are not a luxury for when you have time.
They are health.

What you believe also counts

Becca Levy, from Yale, followed about 660 people over age 50 for more than 20 years. Those who had a positive idea about aging lived about seven and a half years longer.

If at 47 you believe that your best days are behind you, you act accordingly.
You stop training.
You stop meeting up.
You stop learning.

I call it letting the old person in. They knock on the door every time you say "that is no longer for me."

Do not open it.

What the study does not say

It is an average. There are those who do not go through the dip and those who go through it at 40 or 55.
The fall is moderate. It is not a collapse.
Not all researchers see the U as clearly: it depends on how it is measured.
And if what you feel is a sadness that does not go away, it is not the curve. Talk to a professional.

What I do

There are four things I am not going to drop:
One friend every week, with a specific day and time on the calendar.
Two strength sessions, even if they are 20 minutes long.
Something that is just mine.
And saying out loud when I am struggling.

They are not to shine this year.
They are to get to the other side of the curve with those things intact.

People in their 60s and 70s claim to be happier than you are now.
And those who enjoy it the most are those who arrive with their friends, their strength, and their mind.

I want to be here, and in shape, to see it.

Your 1% improvement for today. Compound interest that accumulates.

Write to a friend today that you haven't seen in months.
Don't tell them "let's see when we can meet up."
Propose a day and time.

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